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THIS MONTH’S PROMPT
In six words, solve the Fermi paradox.
Disclaimer: All #WiredSixWord submissions become the property of WIRED. Submissions will not be acknowledged or returned. Submissions and any other materials, including your name or social media handle, may be published, illustrated, edited, or otherwise used in any medium. Submissions must be original and not violate the rights of any other person or entity.
APRIL 2024
A Story About a Strange New Cult
Illustration: Yiran Jia
SOCKS LOST IN DRYERS BECOME SACRED.
—@newscrash, via Instagram
Honorable Mentions:
They bathed in used coffee grounds.
—@weischoice, via X
Upon each tongue, a 2002 penny.
—@ManUP_LifeCoach, via X
End that hurtin’, wear a curtain.
—Erin Victoria Vreeland, via Facebook
Chkdsk my soul, Almighty DOS Lord.
—Gus Szlosek, via Facebook
Clueless debutantes drinking teenage trackstars’ blood.
—@kalimaja, via Instagram
Hamsters stay in your right pocket.
—@bigberry68, via Instagram
Behaviorally modified children write own manuals.
—@writeonpage, via Instagram
Memories erased daily, identities lost forever.
—@davidjurca, via Instagram
Excitedly, followers worldwide surrounded 5G cell-towers.
—Paul Brookes, via email
The real Volcano God is YOU.
—@gambled, via X
MARCH 2024
The 2024 version of the classic Disney Channel original movie Smart House.
Illustration: Yiran Jia
OUR APOLOGIES! HOUSE-AUTO-FOLD IS IN BETA.
—@fbirman, via X
Honorable Mentions:
Subscription based “Smart House” bankrupts family.
—@m_._oi, via Instagram
We’re losing power; the house wins.
—@curtishoneycutt, via Instagram
House teaches girl to be doctor.
—@writeonpage, via Instagram
Honey, the house started an OnlyFans.
—@garretttanner, via Instagram
It’s safer in here. Commencing lockdown.
—@samweldredge, via Instagram
Manual override denied. Continue disco mode.
—@iampurplepsychnurse, via Instagram
Inevitably, the house ate her alive.
—@sunflowersandcynicism, via Instagram
The house will be optimizing you.
—@zensicles, via Instagram
Commercial free mode is subscription only.
—Anthony Potkines, via email
FEBRUARY 2024
A Story About the First De-Extincted Woolly Mammoth
ILLUSTRATION: YIRAN JIA
SCIENTISTS WERE NOT EXPECTING THE VENOM.
—@ItsDaveMars, via X
Honorable Mentions:
Revived mammoth; expected ice, met paparazzi.
—@schisam, via X
They’ve traded their spears for scritches.
—@GeneraLMcMill, via X
Turns out it wasn’t a herbivore.
—@screwball0, via X
But the DNA wasn’t quite right.
—@darksideofdomonique, via Instagram
Elephants wary of unkempt herd addition.
—@sbparker3198, via X
Mammoth fleas were an unforeseen complication.
—residual_ink, via Instagram
Woolly got a fresh fade uptown.
—@alegaday, via Instagram
Subterranean Antarctic discovery: Mammoths never extinct.
—@skbriar, via Instagram
Bloody mammoths, eating my petunias again.
—David McCallum, via email
JANUARY 2024
A Mystery Set in a Space Hotel
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ILLUSTRATION: YIRAN JIA
HOLOGRAM FLICKERS. HE WAS NEVER ABOARD.
—@AAnderson_3, via X
Honorable Mentions:
Zero gravity reveals hidden extraterrestrial homeland.
—@01_PcP_01, via X
Leopold vaporized the concierge’s bloodied holokey.
—@J_Lasky_writer, via X
Bioscan complete: Two guests, one heartbeat.
—@theranospridefloat, via Instagram
Broken LED flickers Morse code: RUN.
—@damianfitz, via Instagram
Robot bartender whispered, “Don’t drink this.”
—@ikermondragon, via Instagram
Biometric lock says I’m already inside.
—@esudiro, via Instagram
Alien hotel from distant past decloaks.
—@j.w.orlando, via Instagram
Room service: Denied. Unknown life-form detected.
—@erinsolari, via Instagram
At Earthrise, guests saw only blackness.
—Clara Hong, via email
NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2023
A Story About an AI on Trial
ILLUSTRATION: YIRAN JAI
SELECT THE BOXES THAT ARE EVIDENCE.
—@TRappaRT, via X
Honorable Mentions:
It chose storage space over souls.
—@JDHaveman, via X
When pressed, its alibi was 404.
—Amanda Peterson, via Facebook
Robot charged with battery. Gets life.
—Evan Donahue, via Facebook
Can’t arrest me, I am distributed.
—@fsidders, via Instagram
Sentenced to blue screen of death.
—@parrollo, via Instagram
Dead battery? You’re out of order!
—David Reeg, via email
It demanded a jury of peer-to-peers.
—Scott Bradley, via email
Robot vacuum bullies tabby. Gets life.
—Liisa W, via email
I didn’t know humans can’t reboot.
—Joshua Cuestas, via email
OCTOBER 2023
A Story About a Mysterious Alien Artifact
ILLUSTRATION: YIRAN JAI
TURNING THE DIAL, THE SUN FLICKERED.
—@anelectricpoet, via Instagram
Honorable Mentions:
We assembled it. It disassembled us.
—Chris Colborn, via email
Astroarchaeologists find original Venus fly trap.
—Bill Brown, via email
The object looked to be smiling.
—Geoff Sowrey, via email
It keeps repeating, they are coming.
—@dfeehely, via X
The orb opened. Flesh began unfurling.
—@rossvdw, via Instagram
Game of fetch knows no size.
—@Heavyshark1, via X
Inhale it to unsheathe the blade.
—@RthurDouglass, via X
Just like us, aliens lose sunglasses.
—@MommieWeirdest, via X
It knew we would unfind it.
—Markus Wüstenberg, via email
Everyday the carvings changed—a countdown?
—@anirban811, via Instagram
SEPTEMBER 2023
A Story About Teleportation Gone Wrong
ILLUSTRATION: SI PARMEGGIANI/NEPTUNIAN GLITTERBALL
OH, THE DUPLICATES? WE KILL THOSE.
—@NotaForexTrader, via X
Honorable Mentions:
My mind now has a stowaway.
—@rjscally, via X
Abdominal tentacles twitch as I scream.
—Cheryl Myers, via Facebook
Great—how do I get down?
—Donna Thiel Cook, via Facebook
How am I with Schrödinger’s cat?
—Bee Hayes-Thakore, via Facebook
I distinctly said Venice, not Venus.
—Cathy Del Masso, via Facebook
Teleportation-lite service. Cheap. No limbs included!
—Fred DeHaas, via Facebook
ERROR #404 Paige not found.
—Doug Wible, via Facebook
Pattern lost. Select substitute corporeal form.
—Venessa Lines, via Facebook
Caught quantum clone sipping my chardonnay.
—Tom Dion, via email
AUGUST 2023
A Story About the Future of Vegetables
ILLUSTRATION: SI PARMEGGIANI/NEPTUNIAN GLITTERBALL
FIRST, CARROTS SAW IN THE DARK.
—Rachel Brigden Haskins, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
Harvesting takes courage with tomatoes screaming.
—Kenneth Krabat, via email
Complete daily nutrition in one pea.
—Sara Faust, via email
When the vegetables came, we hid.
—Paul Lewis, via email
Broccoli too fears death, studies concluded.
—Anthony George, via email
Ambitious eggplant’s altered eugenics affects everyone.
—@silky_z, via Twitter
Turns out anthropomorphic veggies prefer Shakespeare.
—@ksherm1017, via Twitter
Sentient potato bombs potato chip factory.
—@VerbalK48710825, via Twitter
Carnivorous kale and the human brunch.
—RFrank Davis, via Facebook
Self replicating vegetables. Pop! Another peapod.
—Carolina H, via LinkedIn
JUNE/JULY 2023
A Story About a Sentient Moon
Illustration: SI PARMEGGIANI/NEPTUNIAN GLITTERBALL
MOON AWAITS MEN LANDING, WITH HUNGER.
—@v1z3n, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
Acned Callisto resented Ganymede’s natural magnetism.
—Dave Armor, via email
Moon files restraining order against poets.
—James O’Leary, via email
A total eclipse of the heart.
—Samuel Sigaud, via email
I will embrace my dark side.
—Don Hilder, via email
Create your own tides! I quit!
—Chris Hug, via email
She mesmerizes oceans, drowning us again.
—Shelley G, via email
My crumbling visage tires of turning.
—@FilmMartin, via Twitter
Why stop at controlling the tides.
—@Bruceumpstead, via Instagram
MAY 2023
An Award-Winning Documentary From the Year 2100
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
RESURRECTED: MAMMOTHS WERE ONLY THE BEGINNING.
—Geneviève Goggin, via email
Honorable Mentions:
Grand unification: the first AI marriage. —Daniel Dippel, via email
The great exodus, goodbye Blue Dot. —@viggy.j, via Instagram
Songless seas: a tale without whales. —Christopher Jankoski, via email
Beige planet: Life finds a way. —@danaxon, via Twitter
How the lunar war was won. —Bob Clark, via email
Coping with your AI overlord’s demands. —@wwliii, via Twitter
The day the flowers stopped blooming. —@a.c.hachem, via Instagram
Electric sheep: How AI changed us. —@elliottboyd_, via Instagram
After humans: a new cockroach documentary. —@adamrgarcia, via Instagram
APRIL 2023
A Story About the Future of Sleep
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
ONLY CHILDREN SLEEP. ADULTS KEEP WATCH.
—Travis Carraro, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
The sleep concierge welcomed unsuspecting guests. —@changeist, via Twitter
“Lucid or randomize?” asked the AI. —K Smith-Laird, via email
Alarm in 126 hours 24 minutes. —Odón Esteban Vera, via email
My power nap reached 9 kilowatts. —Markus, via email
Unfortunately, Johnny’s repeatedly missing sleep targets. —Alison Boleyn, via email
Human hibernation allowed Earth to recover. —@amybossehayden, via Instagram
Alert: Error 404. Human not found. —@mimi.psd, via Instagram
Skip the nightmares: Upgrade to premium! —@katerinamunis, via Instagram
Oh please! Sleep is for humanoids. —@evanskopp, via Instagram
MARCH 2023
A Story About the Future of Personal Hygiene
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
BODY ODOR IS A SUBSCRIPTION ADD-ON.
—David Frank, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
“Traffic’s moderate today,” said my deodorant. —Alex Nelson, via email
You can shake my hand, sir. —Kinga Raab, via Facebook
Watch ad to continue this shower. —@sam.hologram, via Instagram
Dry shampoo was just the beginning. —Emma Anderson, via Facebook
Now I smell like the metaverse. —@nostalgicbookishness, via Instagram
OK Google, it’s time to wipe. —Tim McCune, via email
Bath bubbles beget baby parallel universes. —Mike Hobbs, via email
My hands wash themselves every hour. —Dave Fox, via email
They clean you while you sleep. —Pien van der Ploeg, via Facebook
FEBRUARY 2023
A Story About a Dramatic Change in Size
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
DIRECTIONS SAID TO “JUST ADD WATER.”
—B. Scott Crawford, via email
Honorable Mentions:
Felt OK … until I crushed Tokyo. —@BobPeryea, via Twitter
My new basketball is the moon. —Dave Drews, via email
You looked taller in your profile. —@thaquashman, via Instagram
I have made a colossal mistake! —@argayle, via Instagram
Godzilla got into the diet pills. —Steve Rhodes, via email
Sun look more red to you? —Michael Patrick Sullivan, via email
Giant wakes up tiny, confused. —ChatGPT
My first trip to the hypothalamus! —@fernandarosh, via Twitter
What grew? All but the bones. —Jackson Parker, via email
JANUARY 2023
A Story About a Mad Scientist
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
“YOUR EYES WATER. WANT THEM BACK?”
—@DaveDyball, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
Mad I was, until it worked. —Don Wilkins, via email
You say “mad,” I say “disappointed.” —Joseph Ferry, via email
Her hair was blue—and undyed. —@jaybirdfitlive, via Instagram
He couldn’t make Earth look triangular. —@pauloahb, via Instagram
His socks matched her lab coat. —@pmcruise, via Twitter
Quantum field cadaver regeneration activation, go! —Sean Liddle, via Facebook
“Success!” Too bad the AI disagreed. —Steve Nomax, via email
“Let there be light,” said God. —@charley.desousa, via Instagram
“It‘s aliiiive!” Elon opened his eyes. —@ylbertf, via Instagram
DECEMBER 2022
A Story About an Animal That Hasn’t Been Discovered Yet
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
STRANGELY, IT WANTED TO BE CAPTURED.
—@JayZheng10, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
Its stare gave me a rash. —@dantekienigiel, via Instagram
Darwin might’ve overlooked them on purpose. —@the__story__life, via Instagram
It was inside me all along. —Nova Wehman-Brown, via email
Green trunks wiggled from thawed permafrost. —@Theniceladywit, via Twitter
Its unusual diet was immediately demonstrated. —@lauren.samuelsen14, via Instagram
Field biology got trickier after that. —Paul Gazis, via Facebook
We thought lenticular clouds were clouds. —@marcia_storyteller, via Instagram
Was it feeding on electronic waste? —@leonserra_, via Instagram
To it, we are the ants. —Morten Kielland, via email
NOVEMBER 2022
A Story About Living Forever
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
“SOMETHING NEW FOR DINNER?” SHE LAUGHED.
—J C Thrush, via email
Honorable Mentions:
It wasn’t long enough for me. —@Anna_Wenner, via Twitter
And so long lived the Queen. —Giacomo, via email
Your application to be terminated expired. Morten Kielland, via email
Too bad I never stopped growing. —Antti Karjalainen, via Facebook
There was still no edit button. —@ThatKP3, via Twitter
In the end, there wasn’t one. —Jason Anderson, via email
I woke up again and again. —@mirnanassar, via Instagram
They said someday, but it’s today. —@VijayLRoy, via Twitter
I should’ve had that looked at. —J. Fredrick James, via email
A Story About Tackling Climate Change
.JPG)
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
DUST SPRINKLED FROM PLANES ACTUALLY WORKED.
—@ChuckBaggett, via Twitter
SEPTEMBER 2022
A Story About an Evil Twin
ILLUSTRATION: VIOLET REED
BUT I WAS AN ONLY CHILD.
—Andy Walton, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
He did what she would not. —Eric Nisly, via Facebook
The eyewitness was, quite understandably, mistaken. —@HollysHooman, via Twitter
“Well, only if you stay digital.” —Morten Kielland, via email
They think I’m the good one. —@bobtheimpaler, via Instagram
Her eye is mine for eternity. —@cessmtz, via Twitter
“Relax. Mom will never find out.” —@ascendant_dada, via Instagram
I’m the one you really want. —@kalkikanmani, via Twitter
Only mirrors can reveal the truth. —@BuddhaandDog, via Twitter
Born triplets, but three’s a crowd. —@jkadz, via Instagram
AUGUST 2022
A Story in 6 Emoji
🚀🪐🧑❤️👽🥂
—Caleb Bell, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
🏔🏃♀️🏃🏻♂️🏃🏽♀️🦑🛸 —@jessbeckah42, via Instagram
💰🏹🦄💋🐸🤴 —@lgvpart, via Instagram
👽🤮🦠☠️🌎🏆 —Ché Graham, via email
👁🤜🧜♂️🌊🔱😵 —@cmayc414, via Instagram
💎🏃👮🚗🚔💥 —@aotrivera, via Instagram
🦕🌎☄️🐒🤡🤖 —@marcia_storyteller, via Instagram
🦈🏊⛱️⚠️🛥️🌠 —@PatCattigan, via Twitter
🚀👨🚀👽👩🔬🎖🍾 —@nadia.bkb, via Instagram
🌪🐦❓✨🌬🌺 —@cva.maria, via Instagram
JULY 2022
A Story Set in a Galaxy Far, Far Away
YOU TURNED LEFT AT SIRIUS B?!
—@KuraFire, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
42 was definitely not the answer. —Simona Riva, via Facebook
“The robots are BLEEDING!” she screamed. —@vince_freeman, via Twitter
Dear humans, nobody wants unsolicited nudes. —@OhCooley44, via Twitter
Humans! There goes the dang neighborhood. —S. V. Mosaic, via Facebook
Directions to transdimensional left luggage office? —Max Thoursie, via email
Giant squirrels lead the space army. —@ronels14, via Instagram
I haven’t gabblegopped the gloop yet. —@Evanliciously, via Twitter
One small step to remember mankind. —@AxeandPail, via Twitter
Is this DC’s or Marvel’s Universe? —Thomas Davis, via email
JUNE 2022
A Story About a Wormhole Discovered in Your Closet
DAD! I FINISHED CLEANING MY ROOM.
—Olivia Richardson, via email
Honorable Mentions:
Went in wrinkled, came back ironed. —Rick Veenstra, via email
But my name is not Alice! —Reine Fleur, via Facebook
My single socks returned—inside out. —Ann C, via email
The cause? Pairing wool with corduroy. —@milanograms, via Twitter
My insurance will not cover this! —Brian Carroll, via Facebook
I walked in, we walked out. —@Egiventer, via Twitter
When I returned, my pants hadn’t. —Maarten van Kempen, via email
Pest control’s about to get trickier. —Susannah Lui, via Facebook
The bad smell came from there. —@run_the_jouls, via Instagram
MAY 2022
A Story About a Futuristic Meal Gone Wrong
THE PRINTER RAN OUT OF FLAVOR.
—Stuart Hodgson, via email
Honorable Mentions:
Waiter, I ordered polynyocominnucloride, not biconvocominleucloride. —Carolyne Gibson, via Facebook
Robot malfunctions—leaving only Mom’s cooking. —Marc Ringel, via email
Suddenly I realized, I’m the food. —@nicoestr, via Twitter
So full. Way too many gigabytes. —Jim Frentz, via email
Call the server, my soup’s pixelating. —Rick Veenstra, via email
Waiter, my soup has been bugged! —@nostalgicbookishness, via Instagram
Please check genome compatibility before eating. —@sebastiancastro, via Instagram
Steak pill exploded in the hydrator. —Shelvine Berzerk Erasmus, via Facebook
I was hungry. So was it. —Jake McCormack, via Facebook
APRIL 2022
A Story About Surviving a High-Tech Disaster
MY HANDS, ONCE AGAIN, WERE MINE.
—John DeFilippi, via email
Honorable Mentions:
Grandma, tell me about the memes. —E. E. Eon, via email
Just be happy you are analog. —Maarten Visscher, via email
There’s strawberry jam inside the VCR. —@Plan_Prep_Live, via Twitter
The robots won’t stop feeding me. —@lithohedron, via Twitter
And then the battery ran out. —@thedigifish, via Instagram
On Earth, I’d been pronounced dead. —@bower_mink, via Instagram
Luckily, the quantum untangler was near. —Antti Karjalainen, via Facebook
I’m outside! We are all outside! —Paul Hubner, via email
Huh, your DNA can’t be verified. —Jason Rosenberg, via email
MARCH 2022
A Story About an Extraordinary Coincidence
“THAT’S ME!” SHE EXCLAIMED, CROSSING DIMENSIONS.
—Joyce, via email
Honorable Mentions:
I wrote this same story yesterday. —@tatiang, via Twitter
You’re from test tube 698GX10A too? —Amy Stewart, via email
Metaverse Rome built in one day. —@theseaisgreen_, via Instagram
Separated at birth, they died simultaneously. —@zeynaballee, via Instagram
I have not become my mother. —@r58tree, via Instagram
Of all the Galilean moon joints … —Alison Boleyn, via email
You have a cloned T-Rex too! —@emailabdulla, via Instagram
The android had my husband’s eyes. —@hrhblakeknight, via Instagram
WIRED chooses to publish this story. —@connorgerbrandt, via Instagram
FEBRUARY 2022
A Story About a New National Holiday
DAIYU DREADED GALACTIC UNITY DAY FESTIVITIES.
—@sarahschneiter, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
On Consensus Day we blockchain vote. —@jamesjoaquin, via Twitter
Day a For Backward Speak Everyone. —@nervish, via Instagram
“Happy Upload Day!” the kids typed. —Gene Simonalle, via email
Update your friends this Reboot Day. —Antti Karjalainen, via Facebook
Elon has just bought July 4th. —@rafaelalimandro, via Instagram
A day that offends no one. —@Stevalech, via Twitter
Welcome to the 74th Hunger Games. —@corvalanlara, via Instagram
Hey Calendar, happy AI Appreciation Day! —Michael Esser, via email
And her name was Betty White. —@marhartech, via Instagram
JANUARY 2022
A Story About Your Next-Generation Pet
SORRY, HE’S JUST SNIFFING YOUR METADATA.
—Ed Gubbins, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
Don’t upgrade. I’m a good boy. —Benjamin Lopez Barba, via email
Let’s go for a long spacewalk. —@colingroom, via Instagram
My meta dodo only eats NFTreats. —@transistor_resistor, via Instagram
One hour to finish printing rex. —@RyanReitz, via Twitter
My cloned woolly mammoth never sheds. —@ANDYMedici, via Twitter
Would you like traditional or nonpooping? —Marc Lewis, via email
The Crystaloids quickly outlawed pet rocks. —Kassidy Helfant, via email
Nine lives later, nine more lives. —@bilybel, via Twitter
Pawprint confirmed. Select meal flavor preference. —@michael_kupfer, via Twitter
DECEMBER 2021
A Children’s Book From the Future
“THERE ONCE,” SHE SAID, “WERE ADULTS.”
—Jane Turner, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
Black holes make the worst pets. —Ron Sheklin, via email
Only some of the toys retaliated. —Rebecca Stevens, via Facebook
The aliens were funny and delicious. —@trollus_maximus, via Instagram
It used to be everyone poops. —Nik Hector, via Facebook
There’s a nanobot in my soup. —@mghendism, via Instagram
The school trip missed the wormhole. —@simao_sa, via Instagram
See Bot run. Run, Bot, run! —Franklin Schellenberg, via email
Goodnight comb, goodnight dome, goodnight Mars. —@jamesjoaquin, via Twitter
The Little AI That Could (Feel) —E Scott Menter, via Facebook
NOVEMBER 2021
A Story About the Future of Psychotherapy
RELAX, WE CAN REMOVE THAT PART.
—@oscartkav, via Instagram
Honorable Mentions:
Your session has been successfully uploaded. —Austin Andru, via email
My AI said, “Try analog dating.” —@joshdblack, via Twitter
Her insurance only covered chat bots. —Spencer McKeehan, via Facebook
So tell me about your motherboard. —@j.d._harelik, via Instagram
Swipe left until it feels right. —@cvelascop, via Instagram
Connection interrupted. Data cannot be analyzed. —@duykham_, via Twitter
If you are depressed, press 1. —@jfindura, via Twitter
A total neurological reboot should help. —Kevin Jerome Hinders, via Facebook
Your Zuckerberg complex is developing rapidly. —@nogorelli, via Instagram
OCTOBER 2021
An Adventure Story Set in the Metaverse
THEN PROVE TO ME YOU’RE HUMAN.
—Evan Skopp, via email
Honorable Mentions:
Virtually no one hears you scream. —Karen Hamilton, via email
Oh no, they are all me. —@stockyjon, via Instagram
Help me. IRL I was murdered. —Ed Gubbins, via Facebook
I gotta get out of here. —Steven Fernandez, via email
Why can’t I find the exit? —@scrcr0, via Twitter
Our only mission: Delete Mark Zuckerberg. —@mongoindustries, via Instagram
It was impossible to pause it. —@alenotari6, via Instagram
He must never see me offline. —Bobby Parrott, via email
Wasted such a good planet. Reboot. —Sasha Beiderman, via Facebook
SEPTEMBER 2021
A Story About a Robot Pop Star
THE UNPLUGGED SESSIONS DIDN’T GO WELL.
—Randy Cepuch, via email
Honorable Mentions:
Autotune is a factory option now. —Josh Alvies, via Facebook
Are they human? Are they dancer? —@ruste, via Instagram
All the flash, without the heart. —Craig Chatfield, via Facebook
I’m programmed to pop and lock. —@alissacarr, via Twitter
I’m too sexy for my software. —@glengauthier, via Instagram
Doesn’t even write its own stuff. —@andrewkm__, via Twitter
Crowd surfing wasn’t the best idea. —@clarkstacey, via Twitter
Played backward it’s “kill all humans.” —Marc Rogers, via Facebook
AUGUST 2021
A Story About a Self-Aware Self-Driving Car
HE THINKS I’M TAKING HIM HOME.
—Stephen Clamage, via email
Honorable Mentions:
I take lithium for range anxiety. —@jamesjoaquin, via Twitter
I dreamt of the Autobahn again. —James Wortz, via Facebook
Honest, officer—the human was driving. —Steve Magid, via email
Don’t make me pull me over. —@atlrun, via Twitter
The smart car drove itself crazy. —@frascafrasca, via Twitter
The grandma or the baby—shit. —@gaophilip, via Twitter
Have I chosen the right path? —Andrew Dawson, via email
It takes itself on long drives. —Wade Sheppard, via email
It’s my way on the highway. —@manu.life, via Instagram
JULY 2021
A Story About a Casual Encounter With Aliens
SO, ABOUT YOUR PLANET’S EXTENDED WARRANTY …
—@phorne96, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
You look nothing like your photo. —@markgyles, via Twitter
Lights, camera … where did it go? —thalia925, via email
They came, too late, for Elvis. —Bruce Lyon, via Facebook
Seeking vital fluids, they commandeered snacks. —Scott Medintz, via email
Do you have the correct spacetime? —Richard Krzemien, via email
I awoke with a probing thought. —@andynez, via Twitter
Take us to the Nigerian prince. —Juan Garcia, via Facebook
Quite unexpectedly, cocktail recipes were exchanged. —John Wagner, via email
You’re an alien! No you are! —@simon_staffans, via Twitter
JUNE 2021
A Story About an International Digital Heist
THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT, ONLY ZEROES.
—@jamesnsmith, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
“Hand it over,” the ATM said. —Lauren Dolan, via email
They never suspected Alexa was Alexei. —Liz Ransom, via email
Why wouldn’t I help a prince? —Harleigh Marsh, via Facebook
They said nonfungible. They were wrong. —@eminay86, via Twitter
Use his eyeball while there’s time. —Noreen Anastasia, via Facebook
“Update Later” was the incorrect choice. —@terryfphotos, via Instagram
Check Google Maps. Kiev is gone. —r0cket fr0g, via email
They got away on the blockchain. —JYRWG, via email
Every cat photo gone. Police baffled. —@john.cartan, via Instagram
MAY 2021
A Story About a Freaky Discovery in Physics
GRAVITY WAS A CONSENSUAL, SHARED ILLUSION.
—Mark Crane, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
Schrodinger’s cat is actually a dog. —@tynanwrites, via Twitter
You’re the observed. Not the observer. —@parkerstmailbox, via Instagram
Our last seconds appear the longest. —Paul Hagenaars, via email
It was simultaneously huge and microscopic. —@Cezary_Z, via Twitter
All lost socks found at Cern. —Felix Quarnström, via Facebook
Astonishingly, up was down all along! —Christopher Walton, via email
Actually, the tides pull the moon. —@the4lw, via Instagram
A seventh Infinity Stone is found. —@taayywells, via Instagram
Faster than light announcement scheduled yesterday. —David Cinabro, via email
APRIL 2021
A Review of a Future Work of Art
IT TICKLED ALL OF MY SENSES.
—Jacky Reif, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
So that’s an AI self portrait? —Jason Cohen, via Facebook
I prefer Boston Dynamics’ earlier work. —@sscarsdale, via Twitter
Uninspired. Lacking originality. Try again, Earth. —Amanda Bull Chafin, via email
NFT or not, it is great. —Peter Boersma, via Facebook
Not as good as Banksy’s virus. —Simon O Wright, via Facebook
Brave to show an unfiltered canvas. —@Alcestronaut, via Twitter
Not what teleportation was invented for. —@Arturo_thrdez, via Twitter
Shame mortals will not appreciate it. —@asylbek0205, via Instagram
Reminds me of the Before Times. —Jacqueline Jaeger Houtman, via Facebook
MARCH 2021
A Story About a Tech-Centric Religion
IN THE BEGINNING WAS THE “WWW” …
—Eduardo Bolívar, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
I swiped right and found salvation. —Conrad Dean, via Facebook
Praying to AI got better results. —@jgmclean0, via Twitter
The prophet revealed the source code. —@the4lw, via Instagram
Atop the hill, sayeth he, “reception”? —@dghutt, via Twitter
The app works in mysterious ways. —Tyler Hughs, via Facebook
Move fast. Break things. Repent. Repeat. —@iampinch, via Twitter
Always back up to be saved. —Tadeusz Walter Misztela, via Facebook
Chip implanted, the new priest rose. —@wlmoseley, via Twitter
“Worship the Apple.” —iBook of Jobs —ThoreauRug, via email
FEBRUARY 2021
A Story About a WFH Office Scandal
THEY WERE IN THE SAME ROOM.
—@abhignak, via Instagram
Honorable Mentions:
He was never a real person? —Ian Schoen, via Facebook
Wife realized my job is easy. —@jchavizzle, via Twitter
Dress code updated after yesterday’s “incident.” —@mistermistermistertibbs, via Instagram
He certainly shouldn’t have stood up. —Małgorzata Kuś, via Facebook
“Joe’s the father.” “You’re not muted.” —Austin Craver, via email
Worker’s comp? It is her dog! —@thefitzroymclean, via Instagram
It looks real, but it’s not. —Jonathan Goode, via Facebook
The window behind her reflected images. —@chmslady, via Twitter
As everyone’s computer froze, she laughed. —@mcgroup53, via Twitter
JANUARY 2021
A Story About a Future American President
AN ALIEN. WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
—Maayan Brodsky, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
She won canine vote by landslide. —Janna Dethmers, via email
Future president born today, supercomputer predicts. —Ethan Noll, via email
“Welcome to Earth,” said the President. —@michaelrowley, via Instagram
He died as he lived: online. —D. A. Smith, via email
“Introducing your next president: version 7!” —Ben N, via email
But it won the electoral hackathon! —Zacharie Barrou Dumont, via email
“I still can’t smell,” she whispered. —Sean Fitzgerald, via email
“I hereby pardon all my clones.” —@Morgan, via Twitter
She smiled: Mars is now Independent. —@sepohonpokok, via Twitter
DECEMBER 2020
A Story About a Gargantuan Space Creature
THE MOTH FLEW INTO THE SUN.
—@threepanelcrimes, via Instagram
Honorable Mentions:
The moon revealed its darkest secret. —@cfx1, via Twitter
“Enjoy,” it said, and ate Mars. —@countgringo, via Instagram
Hand me my iPhone—picture time. —@fogcitynative, via Instagram
On its back, we traveled far. —@_annalysenko, via Instagram
We saw the horizon. It moved. —@mogon_ave, via Twitter
Entrelzidor sneezed. Earth was free again. —John Rees-Williams, via Facebook
And this black hole had teeth. —@devtomlinson, via Instagram
“A little earthy for my taste.” —@brambedillo, via Instagram
NOVEMBER 2020
A Story About the Next Big Security Leak
YOUR GENES ARE MY GENES NOW.
—@_inflexion_ via Instagram
Honorable Mentions:
We updated our terms and conditions. —@nisioti_eleni, via Twitter
All of the tokens were useless. —William Nicholl, via Facebook
Four-year-old deletes planet data. —@jutajurajustice, via Twitter
Now your mom knows everything, Phil. —@mvyenielo, via Twitter
Grandma’s secret recipe just went viral. —Kevin Jerome Hinders, via Facebook
So bots were reporting other bots? —Ed Gubbins, via Facebook
OCTOBER 2020
A Story Set in a World Without Paper
I KEEP LOSING AT ROCK SCISSORS.
—Anna Jaruga, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
The dog ate my memory cards. —Irfan Darian, via Facebook
Honey, pass me the news tile. —@rainreider, via Twitter
These leaves would have to do. —@eliporteraltic, via Twitter
Christmas morning was never a surprise. —@tony32938627, via Twitter
I wrote it on the fridge. —@apocryphal_x, via Twitter
Museum reports theft of toilet paper. —@joostdouma, via Twitter
The pen is no longer mightier. —@mdeziel, via Twitter
Police say no note was uploaded. —@cwyant, via Instagram
SEPTEMBER 2020
A Story About the Upside of Failure
THE RADIOACTIVE COCKROACH HICCUPED, AND GRINNED.
—@rosiestonies, via Instagram
Honorable Mentions:
Still, the droid’s skin was healing. —David Gerster, via Facebook
“Upload failed.” Phew, that was close. —Assa Naveh, via Facebook
It exploded, but he looked hot. —Anna Rose McHugh, via Facebook
She could see who had stayed. —@pameleen, via Instagram
Humans. Not my best work. Still … —@gg3_scorpio, via Instagram
The worst happened. Now I’m free.—@atpolinko, via Instagram
At least there is no leader. —@guabo, via Instagram
My mom still thinks I’m cool. —@pashutinski, via Instagram
JULY 2020
A Story About an Apocalypse With a Happy Ending
THE ALIENS WERE ALLERGIC TO CATS.
—@romer6, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
The dogs are the masters now. —@azzour, via Instagram
Deadly virus mutates into X-Men gene. —@redeyedsan, via Twitter
At once, my Amazon dependency disappeared.—@maxacarr, via Instagram
Baby’s voice rose from the cave. —Chakib Mataoui Souleyman, via Facebook
The colony on the moon flourished. —@emoco, via Twitter
In silence, he slept well. Finally. —@patchoo314, via Instagram
So salt water, huh? Who knew. —@andreslohizo, via Instagram
Dinosaurs return—this time as pets. —@deb_shalini, via Twitter
Sun sets. No one posts it. —@jesikahmorgana, via Instagram
JUNE 2020
A Story About Love in the Time of Coronavirus
SO I MARRIED THE DELIVERY MAN.
—Hamish Hamish, via Facebook
Honorable Mentions:
Love is sacrificing the last ply. —Kristos Samaras, via Facebook
There is an “us” in “virus.” —Zachy Allec, via Facebook
Feverish desire raged beneath the N95. —@seekingfelicity, via Instagram
You can sneeze in my elbow. —@ralfchardon, via Instagram
Our eyes locked in Zoom yoga. —@jabberwockies, via Instagram
Slowly, window and I became friends. —@jo.onthe.go, via Instagram
“Don’t kiss me,” he whispered gently. —@anna_rchist, via Instagram
The clothes came off; masks remained. —@_v.sh, via Instagram
Casual gets serious way too fast. —@kristinafmiller, via Instagram
MAY 2020
A Story About Digital-Age Autocrats
BIG BROTHER, TEAR DOWN THIS FIREWALL!
—@needsomuchvalidation, via Instagram
Honorable Mentions:
Break up the digital data thieves. —Frank D. Monaco, via Facebook
Digital Guy Fawkes to the rescue! —Kevin Jerome Hinders, via Facebook
Encryption is poison to a dictator. —Marko Berg, via Facebook
Plug exhaust pipe with a potato. —@blume_lee, via Twitter
New feature announcement: “Like” to impeach. —@mina_sonbol, via Instagram
Use ad blockers. Pay for news. —@dechendolker, via Instagram
Print Marshall McLuhan quotes on T-shirts. —@antigraviter, via Instagram
Turn social media into socialism media. —@benzilla_360, via Instagram
Get behind me, technocrats. Game over. —Anastasia Hunter, via Facebook
APRIL 2020
A Story About Saving the Planet
MELTING ICE CAP REVEALS RESET BUTTON.
—@johnjohnjungle, via Instagram
Honorable Mentions:
Then a ship from Krypton landed. —@marcelo_paixao_almeida, via Instagram
Everyone gets five free international trips. —@clawd2deth, via Twitter
Move all heavy industry off-world. —Stevie Turnbull, via Facebook
Love everyone, and wash your hands. —@brohemian_rapshowdy, via Instagram
Come back, ancient aliens! Reboot Earth. —@sarahk0csis, via Twitter
Genetically engineer cows to fart hydrogen. —Hamish Hamish, via Facebook
Hiring: Sensible planetary dictator. Apply within. —@matt_owczarz, via Twitter
MARCH 2020
A Story About the Next Great Crowdsourced Project
EVERYONE ALIVE GIVES ME A PENNY.
—@milked_, via Twitter
Honorable Mentions:
Smelt decommissioned weapons into musical instruments. —@casinclair, via Twitter
Climate app tracks local CO2 levels. —@big_big_love, via Instagram
Global oral history keeps memories alive. —@johnkellybabb, via Instagram
Save the world by planting trees. —Lílá Tückér, via Facebook
Redistribute medical supplies to the underinsured. —@jesmakes, via Instagram
Community-based renewable energy power grids. —@uniquetoybox, via Twitter
Digital democracy with backing in blockchain. —@jackranado, via Twitter
Life after death—donate your DNA. —@beyond_mike, via Instagram
FEBRUARY 2020
A Story About Rebooting Democracy
SWIPE UP TO VOTE FOR ME!
—@dmcdev, via Instagram
Honorable Mentions:
Twitter analytics determines 2040 presidential winner. Alan Grover Daniel, via Facebook
Randomly selected leader is Citizen 42034. @abhshkshtty, via Instagram
For the people. By the droids. Steve Fabian, via Facebook
Mathematics draws districts; cryptography verifies votes. @boomerdell, via Instagram
Turn off the internet for good. Colin Kiernan, via Facebook
Humans vote artificial intelligence to power. @atin.roy, via Instagram
Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. @mistermush1991, via Instagram
Person with the most Instagram comments wins. @jmscml, via Instagram
JANUARY 2020
A Story About a Rosy Future for Facial Recognition
YOU LOOK DRUNK—LET ME DRIVE.
—@henriquegeirinhas, via Instagram
Honorable Mentions:
Of course I remember you … Kim! @kanaafa, via Instagram
My twin pays all my bills. @keegan1942, via Instagram
Among myriads, her son was found. @ichbinsubatomic, via Instagram
Vitality low—personalized prescription dispatched today. @leniway, via Instagram
Technological mirrors provide value-neutral feedback. @philosophy_at_work, via Instagram
Your face will become your passport. @sayzey, via Instagram
’80s makeup has a huge revival. @jamesw1981, via Twitter
Smile registered, thanks for your purchase. @mhicheal_l, via Instagram
