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Born to screenwriters Javed Akhtar and Honey Irani, Farhan Akhtar had quite a different childhood compared to other kids his age. However, the separation of his parents in 1985 changed Farhan’s life in a massive way. He said that the divorce forced him to go further into his shell and avoid conflicts entirely, which is still a challenge for him. In the latest episode of Rhea Chakraborty’s podcast, Chapter 2, Farhan Akhtar, along with his wife Shibani Dandekar, spoke in detail about his parents’ separation and the impact that it had on him as a kid.
He shared, “In terms of a defining moment for me that changed my entire view about things, it is probably the separation of my parents. Till then, it just felt like everything was okay. And I think it made me go further into my shell because being the younger one, I really didn’t know what was going on.”
He added, “I had no idea what was happening. Zoya (Akhtar, sister) was a lot more aware of what was going on, and I think in some way, being the elder one, she kind of shielded me from the kind of grief my mom was going through at that point in time. I think my mom was more comfortable talking to her, as a girl. And Zoya has always been older and wiser than her age. She grew up a lot faster. Whereas, I was just in my own world, unaware of what was happening.”
Talking about the psychological changes that he went through following his parents’ separation, Farhan revealed, “I think I got very defensive post my parents’ separation, because kids were being pretty mean when we had fights, and kids don’t have that filter so they say anything that can hurt the other kid. They are not aware of the psychological or emotional damage they are doing to someone. I think that’s the part that made me kind of angry–‘Why do I have to hear this?’”
“The largest effect that it had on my personality is that it made me completely non-confrontational. My first instinct when there is any sign of conflict is to move away. I will disconnect completely, instead of sitting and finding a solution for the problem or even understanding the problem. My first instinct is to not want to be there,” shared Farhan.
In an earlier interview with Faye D’Souza, Farhan had addressed this phase in his life. He said, “Back then, it wasn’t common for parents to be divorced. But because who my parents were, it was public knowledge. If someone wanted to hit you below the belt in the school during a fight, they would say, ‘But your father left your mother’. And it would hurt. So apart from the fact that you were sad it happened, it would make you angry that it could be used against you.”
Speaking about his own divorce with his first wife Adhuna, Farhan had drawn parallels between what he went through and what his daughters were being put through. He said, “I felt that it came to a place that if Adhuna and myself spoke to them openly and honestly, and explained to them why we are taking this kind of step, that it doesn’t have anything to do with them. It’s not because of them, it’s not because of anything they did, they said, or because they are here. This is something between two grown up people, who as friends decided that this is something that they want to do. That’s the best we could do.”
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