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When it comes to ‘mum guilt’ it can sometimes feel like you’re the only one going through it, but even the biggest celebrities suffer from the feeling so you’re not alone.
She told Vogue: “I remember I was on set, I was contracted to be on set for another two weeks, so I couldn’t leave. My kids were in the States and I couldn’t get to them because I had to finish Joan. And all these articles started coming out…
“It hurt because I really do completely torture myself over every move I make as a mother – mum guilt is so real! I just kept having to say to myself, ‘None of this is true. You are a good mum and you’ve never been a partier.’”
Alongside this she was going through a difficult divorce, where she didn’t know “if she was going to make it.”
But what really helped her through the mum-guilt and mum-shaming is having the mind frame of “do it for your kids.”
Speaking to her lawyer she began to understand that it was her children she was fighting for.
“Once anyone says to me, ‘Do it for your kids,’ I’m doing it. I wouldn’t do it for myself, but I’ll find the strength for them,” she added.
What else can you do to overcome ‘mum guilt’?
For mums who go back to work after having a child, the mum guilt can be “hugely conflicting,” as Michelle Kennedy, founder and CEO of Peanut (an app that helps mothers connect), put it.
“I want to be with my child, but I want to show my child that Mummy goes to work just like Daddy,” she told HuffPost, describing her thoughts after welcoming her son.
Although Kennedy loved her work, she hated the thought of missing her baby’s milestones as he grew, and she berated herself even more when she would travel for work.
Even worse, she faced additional feelings of guilt about her job after becoming a mother.
“I felt guilty at work because I wanted to go back and show how it’s the same old Michelle,” she said. “I acted like motherhood hadn’t changed things, when in fact everything had changed.”
Kennedy encouraged mums to stop second-guessing their decisions to head back to the office if that’s where they want to be, and to understand that being a parent doesn’t make up their entire identity.
“Motherhood has become part of who you are,” she said. “It may be the best part, but it’s not the only part.”
So if there’s one thing you should take away from this, it’s to stop second-guessing yourself.
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