The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (July 13-19)

[ad_1]

The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humour lives on.

Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.

adults loved to tell me i’d make a great lawyer one day when i was a kid which i realize now was their way of calling me a bitch

— one woman cult (@clickholebot) July 14, 2024

dislike seeing adult twins in public. feels like they’re going to ask me a riddle

— lesbian mothman 🇵🇸 (@verysmallriver) July 16, 2024

Well done Spain, patatas bravos

— Alice Etches (@aliceetches) July 14, 2024

obsessed with the woman in my yoga class who paid for 60 minutes and laid motionless on the floor the entire time

— Cat (@CatOrman1) July 15, 2024

People will be like "bear with me" and they don't even have a bear with them

🤨🙄

— Katie (@ALadyNamedKatie) July 15, 2024

what is so realistic about sex and the city is her friends never read her little articles

— melissa lozada-oliva 🍴 (@ellomelissa) July 17, 2024

guy told me his favorite book was the canterbury tales. I thought it would impress him to recite the prologue in middle english. and, well, it certainly made an impression.

— Sara Schonfeld (@SaraSchon) July 17, 2024

Air bnb should provide breakfast that’s the second b

— bel (@beldrury) July 18, 2024

I desperately need US Soccer to abandon this weird funeral home aesthetic they’re using 😭 https://t.co/x0RMqu1hwq

— Jennifer (@evryflavrbean) July 18, 2024

Devastating to realize that the way to finish work you don't want to do is to just sit down and do it and then it will be done.

— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) July 14, 2024

Last night I met someone to works in sales and said “wow I’ve never met anyone who works in sails!”, thinking – because I live in an imaginary world much more beautiful than this one – that he makes sails for sailboats

— Alexis Nowicki (@flyschola1) July 14, 2024

your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually

— YANA 🫀 (@otgyana) July 15, 2024

Hillbilly Elegy looks like a gag in 30 Rock where Jenna is playing both roles in an attempt to win two Oscars for the same movie. pic.twitter.com/F1IYTUQKOG

— Sooz Kempner is doing Edinburgh and then a tour (@SoozUK) July 15, 2024

please let me back into the coconut tree I would no longer like to exist in this context

— April Glick Pulito ⸆⸉ 🥥 🌴🤠 (@aprilglick) July 15, 2024

being in public with ur dad is like "oh don't mind him he's socially inept" and being in public with ur mom is like "so sorry about her she doesn't know about empathy"

— olivia 🍉 (@boygirlwife) July 16, 2024

sean but it’s short for parmesean cheese

— Peach PRC (@peachprc) July 16, 2024

i will never get over my grandmother who was born in literal January having a birthday brunch in AUGUST because and i quote “i’ve never had a summer time birthday before!” like, ma’am…. sure.

— $osa (@itsleesosa) July 15, 2024

Being a cat must be hard because you have sharp pointy teeth and claws but can also be picked up and carried like a baby

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) July 15, 2024

My dad after seeing my solo show this weekend:

“you know, that easily could have been a Netflix special … The quality on those has really gone down a lot”

— Rebecca T. Kaplan (@RebeccaTKaplan) July 16, 2024

musically inclined people fascinate me so much, like damn you’re just decorating time from thin air like that

— t. (@taeseru) July 16, 2024

To the C-span technical director who cut to the wide…impeccable comedic timing thank you🫡 https://t.co/4gSYcUUGBs

— ali golub really needs a job 🌼 (@alibrooke4ever) July 17, 2024

every tweet is like BREAKING: anonymous source potentially senses a shift of vibe

— KerryHowley (@KerryHowley) July 18, 2024

outlook just asked me if i’m “enjoying” microsoft outlook. as if it is not the Torment Portal

— lesbian mothman 🇵🇸 (@verysmallriver) July 16, 2024

*Passing a note to a co-worker* can you trip me when I walk by so I have to go home? Circle yes or no.

— Molly🍉 (@HappyHijabbi) July 17, 2024

My mother-in-law letting me know how she feels about the air-conditioning pic.twitter.com/l06BCYZvw2

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 16, 2024

Landlords are so amazing. Do I think it’s possible that five gallons of water have fallen through the light fixture and onto a bucket on my bathroom floor because the upstairs neighbors “are not shutting the shower curtain properly”? No, my sibling in Christ, I do not.

— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) July 15, 2024

I wanna give my man my card information and let him buy whatever😫..it’s gonna decline but it’s the thought that counts

— JakyraAmari (@JakyraAmarii) July 16, 2024

embezzle is such a beautiful word. I wish it was a type of jewelry i could look at

— steph (@steph_mcca) July 18, 2024

Match my freak? No, we can’t both be overwhelmed by anxiety

— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) July 17, 2024

long distance relationships are so funny its like thanks for spending $400 to come hang out lets do it again next month !

— sidney ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊˚ (@sidraeee) July 18, 2024

The bedroom ibuprofen became the kitchen ibuprofen and now that’s gone I’ve got to get the car ibuprofen because I can’t find the handbag ibuprofen pic.twitter.com/DGvoX2yvTx

— remand chic (@our_jesse) July 17, 2024

zoning out is so embarrassing. it’s like oh no sorry i wasn’t staring at u i was actually imagining myself performing an original song at my high school talent show and all of my peers being like omg…….i didn’t know she could sing…….

— chase (@_chase_____) July 17, 2024